Blossom in the Wind was first published by Flash Fiction Magazine in January 2019.
Blossom in the Wind
My funeral is already at an end. I have been ceremoniously sealed inside – this – what is to become my final resting place. Soon, in the Buddhist tradition, I will be engulfed and consumed by flames as I guide this great, steel tomb to its destination. I have no choice but to extinguish my bright life in here, at the kindling age of just eighteen…
As I am launched into the air – the bombastic cries of ‘banzai’ following me like a vapour trail – I know that this is it. I have no landing gear, no possible means of escape. The Divine Wind shall carry me to my target and from thence to the heavens above. I have only one task left in this life; I must dip the nose of this plane and send it soaring into whichever ship I am most likely to hit. I have only a one-in-five chance of success in this endeavour, but my death is an absolute certainty…
Initially, there were so many volunteers for this duty that Captain Okumura described them as a swarm of bees –willing to sacrifice their single sting for the glory of Japan. Those men were all too eager to take off to the skies and launch themselves into Death’s waiting arms. Now, though, our Ohka cockpits have been fitted with a lock, so that once we are inside there is only one option – they feared we would lose our nerve otherwise…
Yesterday, our sister squadron was sent out, made up of the boys we had trained alongside. There was one boy, Tetsu, who was loved by everyone at the camp. He glowed with pride whenever somebody mentioned the inevitable and his lips would curl into a smile if he ever spoke about it himself. I envied him for that. I imagine, when he was sitting where I am now, that he had no fear, pain or doubt…
I could never be like Tetsu; I was never born to bring honour to anyone or anything.
That’s something you always knew, didn’t you, Mother? You always knew, as mothers always do – when you first held me in your arms – that I would be torn from you one day. You must have hoped it would be by the smile of another woman, nature’s gentle pull to start my own family. Instead, it was the bugle call of our beloved country. It was to be the rising sun which would eventually drag me down to my watery grave…
Now, in the distance, I can see the American fleet resting calmly on the water. From here, they look like the blossom petals that would fall into the river by our house, the ones that would have followed the river’s flow forever if they had been able. But nothing can follow the same path forever. They, like me, were always destined to sink beneath the surface and be quietly forgotten – a selfless and silent act; they never took anything with them…
No, I must take the lives of as many sailors as I can – must burn, all too briefly, with the glory of Amaterasu before I may shamefully vanish into the oblivion I belong. I am a disgusting creature.
What would you want for me, Mother? Those ships or the sea? The dishonourable grasp of the ocean, or the bright, burning embrace of this soon-to-be funeral pyre – one that will consume the lives of so many unwilling…not just my own. Vanish like a blossom, slip beneath the sea. There is nothing else now. My military pension might help you live out your days in comfort, so that you can treasure the thought of our lives together for longer. Those memories cannot smoulder to ash, they are yours to keep.
In years to come, they might find me deep beneath this blanket of the ocean’s surface – buried in the seabed. If it happens in your lifetime, Mother, if they somehow manage to return me to you – then know that I killed no one. Know that your boy went out in a blaze of glory. Glorious because I burned alone, thinking only of you and the mothers of those sailors who will be able to hold their sons again. A sacrifice to save the lives of others, like the firefighters of Akita.
So, keep your eyes fixed on the skies tonight, Mother. For though the Divine Wind will no longer carry me to my target, perhaps it might still spirit me back to you?
As I am launched into the air – the bombastic cries of ‘banzai’ following me like a vapour trail – I know that this is it. I have no landing gear, no possible means of escape. The Divine Wind shall carry me to my target and from thence to the heavens above. I have only one task left in this life; I must dip the nose of this plane and send it soaring into whichever ship I am most likely to hit. I have only a one-in-five chance of success in this endeavour, but my death is an absolute certainty…
Initially, there were so many volunteers for this duty that Captain Okumura described them as a swarm of bees –willing to sacrifice their single sting for the glory of Japan. Those men were all too eager to take off to the skies and launch themselves into Death’s waiting arms. Now, though, our Ohka cockpits have been fitted with a lock, so that once we are inside there is only one option – they feared we would lose our nerve otherwise…
Yesterday, our sister squadron was sent out, made up of the boys we had trained alongside. There was one boy, Tetsu, who was loved by everyone at the camp. He glowed with pride whenever somebody mentioned the inevitable and his lips would curl into a smile if he ever spoke about it himself. I envied him for that. I imagine, when he was sitting where I am now, that he had no fear, pain or doubt…
I could never be like Tetsu; I was never born to bring honour to anyone or anything.
That’s something you always knew, didn’t you, Mother? You always knew, as mothers always do – when you first held me in your arms – that I would be torn from you one day. You must have hoped it would be by the smile of another woman, nature’s gentle pull to start my own family. Instead, it was the bugle call of our beloved country. It was to be the rising sun which would eventually drag me down to my watery grave…
Now, in the distance, I can see the American fleet resting calmly on the water. From here, they look like the blossom petals that would fall into the river by our house, the ones that would have followed the river’s flow forever if they had been able. But nothing can follow the same path forever. They, like me, were always destined to sink beneath the surface and be quietly forgotten – a selfless and silent act; they never took anything with them…
No, I must take the lives of as many sailors as I can – must burn, all too briefly, with the glory of Amaterasu before I may shamefully vanish into the oblivion I belong. I am a disgusting creature.
What would you want for me, Mother? Those ships or the sea? The dishonourable grasp of the ocean, or the bright, burning embrace of this soon-to-be funeral pyre – one that will consume the lives of so many unwilling…not just my own. Vanish like a blossom, slip beneath the sea. There is nothing else now. My military pension might help you live out your days in comfort, so that you can treasure the thought of our lives together for longer. Those memories cannot smoulder to ash, they are yours to keep.
In years to come, they might find me deep beneath this blanket of the ocean’s surface – buried in the seabed. If it happens in your lifetime, Mother, if they somehow manage to return me to you – then know that I killed no one. Know that your boy went out in a blaze of glory. Glorious because I burned alone, thinking only of you and the mothers of those sailors who will be able to hold their sons again. A sacrifice to save the lives of others, like the firefighters of Akita.
So, keep your eyes fixed on the skies tonight, Mother. For though the Divine Wind will no longer carry me to my target, perhaps it might still spirit me back to you?
